A lot of the time, loving thy neighbor isn’t quite so easy. Unkempt yards, obnoxious pets, and noisy disturbances are just a few of those triggers that can cause bitterness and conflict among neighbors. Dealing with problem neighbors can feel impossible. But, with the right approach, you can use these circumstances as an opportunity to build a positive relationship with your neighbors AND create a happier environment for yourself.
Here’s how to deal with problem neighbors.
Build a real relationship.
This is a big one. Research from StudyFinds tells us that 75% of adults aren’t friends with their neighbors. On top of that, 56% say they have no interest in getting to know their neighbors any more than they already do. This is heartbreaking! Dealing with conflict of any kind is so much more complicated if you don’t have a relationship with that person.
So, step one is – meet your neighbors. Try to get to know them in a real way. Be courteous enough to let them know in advance if you’re having a party or doing a renovation. Stop and have a conversation every once in a while. You might just come to find out that they have a lot going on, and their annoying behaviors weren’t aimed at you in the first place.
Be direct. Be kind.
The content of your message will be completely missed if you don’t have the right approach. An emotional encounter will just make matters worse for you. Try to leave your emotions at the door and address the issues in a calm, cool, and collected manner. Drop by as naturally as you can and have a direct conversation about the things that are bothering you without making personal accusations. Remember, there’s a good chance your neighbor doesn’t even have a clue that their behavior is a root of frustration for you.
Prepare for the tables to turn.
During this tough conversation, your neighbor might seize the opportunity to fire some accusations back at you. Or maybe just bring up a few things that have been bothering them. Do your best to respond courteously. It can be easy to believe that you’re the perfect neighbor while they’re 100% of the problem. Chances are, you’ve made a mistake here and there, too. Your willingness to apologize and take responsibility for your actions might soften them to do the same.
Document everything.
If you are unable to reconcile things with your neighbor and things escalate, you might need to involve a third party; maybe an HOA, a neighborhood group, the city building department, or even the local police. Maintain detailed records of any conversations, emails, texts, photos, or videos. Facts and evidence will be required to prove your case.
However, do your homework before you start making legal accusations. Research the rules and/or laws that your neighbor has broken, and make sure you haven’t broken any yourself. Before you call for backup, we recommend pointing out the rule/law to your neighbor in a gentle, friendly way.
Call the police.
If you’ve tried everything and your neighbor continues with their offending behavior, call the authorities. The police should be your last stop, but if you feel unsafe or threatened at any point, don’t hesitate to call.
There you have it. Get to know your neighbors from the very beginning, so you don’t have to have hard conversations out of the blue. Be direct. Be kind. And seek help if you need it. One way or another, a solution is out there! You don’t have to deal with problem neighbors forever!
